I’ve heard it said that angels make the flame of a candle flicker. It is their way of letting us know that they are there. Today, I lit a candle for my brother, I watched it flicker in the sunshine and I knew, as always, he is near.
For three years now, I have not heard his voice, watched him tip his head back in a great big belly laugh while playing with my children, or felt his arms around me in a hug. I have not heard his jokes, seen him all dressed up for a family holiday, or even argued with him. I miss it all so much. On one hand, I cannot believe three years have passed since that aweful day came into my life, but on the other hand, I have felt his absence every single one of those days and it hurts.
Colin is still very much a part of lives – he is there in our stories, in our memories and in our hearts. There are reminders everyday of the life that he had – his number is still in the phone book, the street we turned down to go to his house, the wiggle cars he raced with my children, the look on my son’s face when the light is just so, the oil truck standing at the well site and bright red sunrises like the one that lit up the sky the day he died.
Today, I will watch the candle dancing in the light, and I will smile at his memory and the joy he brought to my children. And I will say once again, I miss you so much little bro! I love you forever!